Monday, August 24, 2009

Suck it, Bloodsuckers


So, this whole vampire trend kinda freaks me out. Tweens and teens are tweaked out over Twilight. Cougars are choosing fangs over claws in hopes of finding their own eternally baby-faced Robert Pattinson. And the whole vamp-inspired fashion is forcing Goths everywhere to seek different hues of nail polish and clothing, such as lavender, marigold and peony.


Even Mom and Shuga D became suckers when they started watching HBO’s “True Blood” last season. Not only is Macon’s own Carrie Preston among the cast of crazy-eyed characters, but it’s so awesomely Southern gothic that Mom and Shuga start to drawl when they talk about it. They’ll both tell you it’s the show’s killer soundtrack that’s the clincher. Their iPods are earning new tunes after every episode.


In the meantime, while all you humans are pining over blood lusters, let’s take this Monday to address the ones that could survive a nuclear attack – fleas.


There are four mutts in our dog-friendly house, so the chance of a flea circus pitching a tent in our home is scarier than a Fellini flick. However, Mom is not a fan of pesticides. Especially the kind that can be rubbed off on pillows and cushions and just about anywhere else she lays her head. And with four of us, many of those vet-issued treatments can suck your wallet dry. With that in mind, she developed our own natural flea regiment that keeps the little bloodsuckers as elusive as Bill Compton in daylight savings time.


First off, the old adage is true. Bloodsuckers don’t like garlic. So, she sprinkles just a little garlic powder (not garlic salt) in our dry food everyday and mixes it up. Just a little goes a long way, as long as it used consistently. Mom also uses this in her horse’s feed and hasn’t had a fly problem all summer.


Mom still uses a monthly spot treatment on us. But this one is completely natural, cheap and makes us smell good. For around $10, you can purchase a four-tube supply of Sergeant’s Nature’s Guardian spot treatment. The flea, tick and mosquito preventative contains yum stuff like peppermint oil, tea tree oil and cayenne. Mom finds it at the Pio Nono Kroger. Just put a squirt in between our shoulder blades (stay away from the base of the tail – ouch!) and be sure to wash your hands afterwards. The stuff comes on strong at first, but think of it like incense . . . let it die down and in a couple of days (and for the rest of the month), that doggy smell is masked in a light, pleasant, peppermint-like scent. Mom got the ultimate dog owner compliment the other day when Texas T asked why we didn’t smell like dogs!


So, bloodsuckers beware. My breath smells like a bread basket and my hide is covered in cayenne and peppermint oil. All natural, cheap and effective.


Bite me.


Candy Lou

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to comment that this Twighlit cougar is not looking for a Robert Pattinson. He always looks constipated.

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