Let There be Baby Rock

Thanks to our amazing photographer friend Maryann Bates who has always been there to capture the finer moments in life. From our infamous engagement photo to our wedding day to where we are today - ready to pass this little blue guitar onto our next big thing. Thank you, Maryann, for giving us proof for our little boy that at one time, we were cool. Rock on forever. 

Too Precious to Forget

She would be nearly six months old right now. Surely, she would be a ball of smiles and dimples and softness who I wouldn't be able to soak up enough of. We would be semi-pros at babies. Or at least, at six months into it, we would be at some point of confidence and agree, "We've got this."

Instead, we're in the final weeks of a journey that began in the spring of 2013 and almost came to a crashing, heart-wrenching halt on this day, one year ago. What some know and many do not is I've been pregnant off and on for over a year now. 

Today, I am almost 37 weeks into my second pregnancy. On June 3, 2013, the 12th week where we were supposed to hear our baby's heartbeat, there was blood. This tiny, jigging blob that had captured our hearts from the moment we had our first sonogram and heard, "there's your baby," was now a sunken mass at the bottom of my uterus. Jamie and I have experienced some serious loss together but nothing prepared us for walking out of the back door of the doctor's office. 

And during the days that followed, it did not get easier. I woke up to an empty womb in a recovery room. I bled for weeks on end. We had to put on brave faces and face the community - those who knew, those who had no idea and those who still haven't done the math and think this pregnancy is the same one I was carrying over a year ago. What had been my pregnancy journal now chronicled the loss of it:
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I’ve never felt the physical pain of emptiness. There is a hot, empty vacuum in my core. I can feel the sear . . . It feels as if my gut has gone with it, while my heart ripped out on its own.

There was physical sadness and mental madness. I wrestled with God. I blamed the world. I seethed with envy at the site of perfectly pregnant women. I lost a lot of light behind my eyes . . . and really didn't know if I'd ever get it back.  

But along the way, I discovered the sisterhood of women who endured the same pain, sometimes multiple times. I finally quit questioning God and started listening to my faith. Months later, my journal read:

I’ve gained some strength. I don’t know if it’s just an ounce of courage or time starting to heal. But even though the thoughts haven’t left me, I’ve stopped resisting the lasso of the Lord. He roped me. I’ve balked and bucked and kicked and spit. Yet, within recent days, as the loop grew tighter, I quit fighting it. I dropped my head. I gave in. I bowed. 

There will never be a reason why we had to lose the first one. However, thanks to the wonders of science, we do know the exact chromosome where biology failed us. And through the mystery of faith, even in the blur and haze and anguish, I learned one solid thing: God gave me the strength of a mother. 

I was indebted to friends and family who mourned with us. The day after the D and C, I laid in a bedroom filled of flowers sent by our loved ones who said all of the right things: "Thinking of you;" "So very sorry;" and "Love conquers all." Choose those words when comforting others instead of "It was meant to be" or "God needed another angel" or "Your body knew something was wrong." 

And for those who have faced this same cruel and oddly empowering twist of fate, my hat and my heart are tipped to you. No, it never leaves. Jamie and I can still look up in the sky on a starry night and think the same thing without even a word --- she was our being, even if it was just 12 weeks of being with us. 

Four months later, when the next pregnancy test showed positive, we had just as much fear as joy. For this last nine months, we have held our breath and prayed. I have played over and over again in my mind this beautifully written Miranda Dodson song. And we got through the last year because this -- this -- is for love. And I thank God for every minute of this baby's mile markers and making us try again.

A New Era

After three years of marriage, the launch of our little tour company and a number of of life's curve balls and home runs, we're now just a matter of weeks away from entering the mysterious world of parenthood. By the end of June, Jamie and I will welcome our baby boy and begin a new chapter in our story that began in our cherished town of Macon, Georgia. 

Macon Candy journeyed with us through our courtship through the eyes of our dog Candy Lou (who is doing just as fine as ever!), walked down the aisle with us as we prepared for our wedding day, and now, it's time for yet another change, where I'll be chronicling my journey into motherhood - working motherhood - and what I am learning with an open heart and wide-eyed wonder along the way.

Here we are in 2014. Thanks to photographer Kristin Kohanna for capturing this special maternity shoot we took along a favorite childhood location of mine. 

When I was around 10-years-old, I rode my pony along this dirt road in Round Oak, Georgia, where my dad once owned a log cabin adjacent to the Big O Ranch. He purchased the cabin when co-managing Otis Redding in the sixties. Otis and his family lived on the sprawling ranch next door, where they still live today. It was on this dirt road that my father and Otis were able to be the black and white best friends they were without having the cloud of segregation hanging over. It was here they rode horses, fished, hunted and were they could be the uninterrupted country boys their hearts so desired. My dad sold his cabin after Otis' death, but he later returned, where he rented the property so his children could experience the special place the Reddings and the Waldens once wandered. 

I still love this cherished stretch of dirt road in Jones County, about 30 minutes outside of our Downtown Macon home. There were moments during this shoot where Jamie and I traced my childhood steps, and I was overwhelmed with the same sounds, scents and special memories that I can't wait to share with my son.

Rock Candy Tours Coming Soon!

Life definitely has not slowed down for us since saying I do! Jamie and I are the proud new owners of Rock Candy Tours, LLC, our tour company that is currently offering Macon, Georgia's only music history walking tour. With the recent closing of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, we've begun our business earlier than expected and have gone from husband and wife to business partners faster than we ever imagined!

We're currently offering the "Rock n' Soul Stroll" through parts of downtown Macon. The two-hour tour takes you to places where it literally all began - the Allman Brothers' first crash pad, the international headquarters of the original concert t-shirts and the offices of Otis Redding, Capricorn Records, Paragon Booking Agency and Hustlers, Inc, where contracts and deals for some of American music's greatest artists like Lynyrd Skynyrd, Percy Sledge, Redding and more were conducted. We walk by the place "Please, Please, Please" was originally recorded by James Brown. We tell stories that liner notes don't cover, and we cover legends' roots in Macon and the legendary tales that came with them.

While the walking tour is off and -- well, walking -- we will soon introduce our trolley tour that will roll through all of downtown Macon's storied music past. We hope to have information on the trolley tour schedule soon as well as a stand-alone website on our entire operation.

Until then, walking tours take place in the summer evenings, by appointment. Tours are $60 for up to six people; $10 per person after that (so, if it's just the two of you, it's $30 per person; if you have a group of six, it's only $10 per person). We work with your schedule and can book tours during the week or weekend.

To schedule a walk on the Rock n' Soul Stroll, e-mail Jamie and I at rockcandytours@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

Jessica Walden & Jamie Weatherford
Friends, Lovers and Business Partners